Embracing Joy: Beyond Toxic Positivity

We could talk more about joy. Many hesitate because no one wants to be labeled as promoting "toxic positivity" — the idea of being positive to a fault, ignoring the critical roles of disappointment, failure, and pain in our human experience. The truth is, all emotions are valuable. They are alerts and informants guiding us through our journey. Yet, joy stands out with its unique and transformative properties.

There are multiple definitions of joy that offer rich, nuanced perspectives:

• Webster's Dictionary describes joy as the emotion triggered by well-being, success, good fortune, or the prospect of possessing something desired.
• Brené Brown defines it as “an intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure, and appreciation.”
• Poet Ross Gay beautifully articulates joy as emerging through "entanglement" — fundamentally connecting with one another through shared experiences like gardening, sports, or meaningful interactions.
• The Dialectical Behavior Therapy model offers a particularly compelling view: joy can be cultivated, learned, and grown by intentionally identifying and appreciating positive experiences while managing difficult emotions.

Despite their differences, these definitions converge on three essential insights about joy:

Joy is cultivated

Joy is built through connection

Joy is integral to our well-being

What are some practical ways to cultivate joy?  I’m glad you asked.  These 3 ideas are simple practices that we can engage in daily. 

1. Enjoy People
Connection doesn't require deep, long-standing relationships. Joy can emerge in fleeting, positive interactions:

• A genuine smile exchanged at the grocery store

• A spontaneous conversation with a parent at your child's sporting event

• Brief, warm interactions that remind us of our shared humanity

2. Do Something Meaningful
Meaning is profoundly personal and manifests in diverse ways. For some, it emerges through meticulous organization. Others find purpose in creative expression—crafting art, writing, or pursuing innovative projects that reflect their inner world. Many discover meaning through compassionate action. 

Critically important: When life becomes challenging, we often abandon meaningful activities. This is precisely when we need them most. Even if you feel you lack time or energy, maintaining these activities can be a lifeline.

3. Play and Have Fun
Play is about enjoyment, creativity, and connection — unconstrained by specific outcomes. In our hyper-scheduled lives, we rarely leave room for unstructured exploration.
Strategies for incorporating play into your daily routine include:

• Put "fun" on your to-do list
• Watch something that makes you laugh
• Try a new activity
• Dance to a TikTok challenge
• Embrace activities that bring you pure, unadulterated joy

Let's normalize conversations about joy. Let's actively seek it, make time for it, and recognize its power. The rewards are profound: improved physical and mental health, deeper social connections, and a more resilient approach to life's complexities.  Joy isn't about ignoring difficulties — it's about finding light alongside them.